forever hate
by zebrazombies
Summary: yonkaka minakaka minkaka


Neh, do you know when love is coming or hate to come by?

I know. I loved someone. He's mine before. Who? I'll tell you. He's the most genius Hokage among five of them. Yeah it's him. The fourth. I notice this, that he loved me in the first place. He said to me, that he likes, or more likely, love me. He'd been saying stuff like I'm a talented person, even if I'm quite bad to know it myself. I was never agreed, that I'm a talented person, but people always seen me as a great shinobi. But I'd known quite true for myself, that they still hated me, they still avoiding me, in a way that everyone can clearly see, even him. The son of a disgraced man, the 'White Fang'; my father. Unlike Rin, she never say anything that hurt me, or but, every time, every single time, she's been quite nosy herself. That's predictable, cause she had feelings for me. But Obito, is different, he always, always, jealous of me. And not to mention, he likes Rin. He always called me snob or stoic, plain sober and humourless.

So, when? When is it then, he said that he loved me? When I was in his jounin team, with Rin and Obito. I was kinda shocked back then, but he didn't notice, not with the mask I'm covering my face from. I bet he never notice, how I was always thought, felt the same way he does. I bet, he doesn't even know, that besides the reason I'd became a great shinobi for remembrance of my father, I did it for him. I bet, that he doesn't know, I wanted to impress him. I don't want him to know any of that. It makes me, not me.

So, one week or so later, we'd been kinda a lover. I hate being called that. It's, well, gross. Two men dating, although I wasn't practically a man yet back then, are called lover is just weird. I don't know why. But he doesn't care. I insisted that we declare our relationship as a boyfriend-boyfriend type. He said that what's wrong being called as a lover? He seemed to be amused by it. I pouted. He kissed me when I pouted. That's why I pouted. But oh well, the kissing never stops at the same spot. It'd always ended up on bed.

We almost did it every day. I like the most of days, when we're not on mission. When we were not, we stay with each other. Hugging or snuggling. Or even tea break. Only us. No one else. Me, and him. But it wasn't me who always start the move first. But, he didn't mind. He knew how I reacted to this thing very well. He knew that, the fact that I, a very not romantic type of person or, hate the nuzzling he make. And how serious I am when he's making jokes of me.

Sex, is the main purpose of people when dating. I had always thought so. He never, ever claimed it that way. He said that, his love is pure from his heart, not just my body he aimed for. It took time for me trust him, at first but then the sex just became like a painful pleasure. And it was hazy. Filled with every little passion and lust of him, towards me. Then, I lost count how many times I begged for more. He liked it when I beg. It make him think that he really know how to love me like the way he satisfied me. Filling me. I never said I object it though. I like him, love him, better, in fact more than anyone I ever remembered. Not that everyone cared for me either. He is the only one. Why, because he is always mine.

When we're alone, he kissed me. When there's no person around, he kissed me. When we're in his apartment, he kissed me. Kiss, kiss, kiss. I like him the way he kissed me. He's a dominator. And he demanded everything on my body to be hold warmly, safely, lustly only by him. He did it purposely, to make me know, how deep he loved me. To make me feel him. The pleasure when he was inside me, is incredible. Not because only he's the man I love. It just felt good. Kissing, biting, licking, thrusting. Every single movement of him on me, it felt great.

Of course, our relationship is secret. He's a famous person. We wouldn't want the reputation got messed up, won't we? I'm fine with it. I didn't care. As long as he loves me that was enough. I also, promised myself, that I'll never have him for something ridiculous, just his love, is all I need. It was enough. More than enough. But who knows, it was never enough. I wanted more. I wanted people to see, to know him as mine. He is mine. He will always be mine. I started to request the opening on our relationship. He said no, as I expected. He was chosen as the Hokage the time I requested it. Bad time, I never thought.

I said, _'it's fine'_. The moment I lost in his _'I'm sorry'_ eyes, I started to get pissed. Why just he can't see? Can't he see that I want him to be mine forever? I hit his shoulder, hard enough to make him hold my wrist. He wants to comfort me, but in no way, he can't. I pushed him, struggled to be let go as I said _'I hate you!'_ how many times I said it, I don't remember. I begged, I begged him to leave me alone. He nodded, slowly and yet again, said _'I'm sorry'_ and I could tell, he wanted to kiss me. Oh how I wish he would... but, just like that, he flew away with his famous technique. My hopes shattered. I wished how he would never let go of my hands. I wished how he would kiss me to calm me. But the wishes...never granted. I was stunned, merely collapsed, and realize a moment then to just ran as fast as a shinobi would, wiping away my already swollen eyes and I walked, stopped at last. I sat at the nearest bench I could found, and wished again..._come back_. And there was I, left alone in the empty sorrow.

Two months. He married with the so-called lovely wife. I hate him. I cursed him. The women, is a bitch. What is this, I thought. What had happened to us? Do you really not know? Do you ever know that we would eventually become like this? Don't you, love me? We met after two months never spoken to each other. We had to. The first encounter. My words. _It hurts_. He said it's necessary. _Bastard_. He said his job required him to._ Bullshit_. He said it was for the village. I kept the silenced. He was right, why _dammit_, he was always right? For the Konoha. Yes, I know. _For the Konoha._ I replied, okay then..._'kiss me, for one last time'_, I whispered behind his ears as I hugged him. He was shocked and disbelieving. He knew, or should I said that I knew, he's not gonna do it. It hurts inside, burning, flaming the red fire in my heart. Or his heart, if he known mine. He's putting a sad smile. I don't know if he's happy, or sad. As I said, _a sad smile. _ He shakes his head, calmly, giving a message that he can't do it, not with the positioned he now held. A very important positioned. _'I love you'_ were the last words I thought I heard him said. But the anger within me, blurring my heart to not to trust him again. I felt regretted somehow. Why on earth, it became like this?

It was nine month until the Kyuubi attacked. Kushina aka the bitch, died after giving birth of their son. That's what I heard. I never know their progress. I never want to know. True, that two men called lover is gross, but he and that bitch, was far more worse than gross. But still, I followed him through. I was hiding at the back of the trees. Silently watching him dealing with the Kyuubi with the sharingan I already exposed, Obito's present, to copy anything that he might do. A great jutsu, I dreamed. Then I spotted another shinobi. Carrying something. I got wondered, so I move closer up to see what it is. Suddenly, I felt a swirl of wind behind me. It was him. He noticed me. I know he'll eventually notice me, too. I want him to notice me. But I was caught with the sight of bulge in his hold. I asked, what is that? A baby. He said, _'my son'_. And then he asked me to help him dealing with the baby. He asked me to hold him while he working some of a forbidden jutsu. I was worried. And I'm not thinking anything to copy his jutsu, not just because he warned me that it was a forbidden jutsu. Despite the hatred I've been through entire time when we broke up, I got soft over the baby. So innocent. And very much, looked just like him, the hair colour, eyes, nothing like Kushina, at all. I relieved just for that. Just like the man I love...

Something happen. Something, when the Kyuubi attack, it...just vanished. I thought the monster was killed back then. But I felt something vibrated in my arms. The baby. There was a strange mark on his stomach, what is that? And whiskers also start growing from his cheeks. So then, I knew, he sealed the Kyuubi in his own son. By the time I was still in immense shock, he panted and shifted his hand to take a look, a last look at his son. I stood where I stood a while, amazed that he managed to make the Kyuubi to be locked, even in his own son, and horrified to just see the vomit of a blood, and a pool of blood circling him. Covering his white Hokage robes, the stained of hot red blood. Whose blood? Him? Must be. But, I still obeyed. _Heart-ache_. I move forward, I placed the baby between his arms. _Hurts again, even worse_. I placed his head on my thigh. He smiled. I can felt a warm drop of liquid on my thigh. He was crying. Silently, not even a hitch. My face felt hot. Is this a punishment? Why, everyone is disappearing? _No, not you, not after Otou-sama, not after Obito and Rin...no...just please not you..._

I was utterly shaking. I also, can't hold back my tears. I said, repeatedly _'I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...'_ He just smiled. He holds my cheek with his one very weak, trembling hand, planting a kiss on it with all the might he had. And whispered, _'my son...Naruto. Love, him...' _I nodded fast and he kissed his son. He said again, something rather unexpected..._'—I love you...always, Kakashi...'_ for the first time, in my mournful full of blood and dreadful life, I was very scared that I hold him tight, I don't want to remember him like this, gone forever, from me. Just a moment longer, stay, for a bit. Time, just give us time, Kami-sama. The baby, who is stuck between our bodies, cried. I patted the baby, shushing him.

I was gonna say, _'he look like you'_. But there were no reply. His eyes were closed, smelled of blood. I paused. I stared at him, and the baby, at him again. _I hate you, Minato. I really hate you. _It hurts to love him again. For the time being, it'll be just Naruto. I'll love him, as he wished. _Until, now, until the day I die, in order to resemble, remember him, as you. I love you, and I, definitely will forever hate._


End file.
